Listed on the Foundation’s Legacy Plaque is a marker named “The Lunch Bunch- graduates of 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s.” I’d heard my predecessor talk about this lively group of Putnam City High graduates, and had seen their newsletter around, but had yet to meet them. A few months ago, I was able to join them for lunch and heard some great stories of their days growing up around Putnam City. There were certainly some mischievous times had in their youth! Paul Long edits the newsletter, and often has articles that make me smile. He’s reprinted a few articles from old Pirate Log newspapers, and just recently published this truthful job description that I wanted to share, with a few modifications:
Position: Mother, mom, mommy, momma; Father, dad, daddy, pa
Job Description: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and a be willing to work variable hours which will include evenings and weekends, with frequent 24 hour on call shifts. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends, and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties are also required.
Responsibilities: The rest of your life! Must be willing to be temporarily hated, until someone needs money. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets, and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls and social media, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute ,and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing on half a million cheap plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
Possibility of Advancement and Promotion: NONE Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining while constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
Previous Experience: None required unfortunately. On-the-job-training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
Wages and Compensation: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could do more.
Benefits: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays, and no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Footnote: To anyone thinking of applying for the position THERE IS NO RETIREMENT – EVER! If you are fortunate enough, you will become grandparents, though!
That about sums it up, I’d say. Thank you to Paul for helping us understand the true measure of parenthood, and to all the Putnam City parents, good luck with those homework projects this school year.